


Didn't See That Coming

by RangerLauren



Series: Carnaberg Heck [1]
Category: Cuphead (Video Game)
Genre: Cagney hates everything, Djimmi is a shipper, F/M, Gen, I'm so deep in this ship I can't, I've never tagged before, Idk but it is, not really tho, why is it so cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 09:17:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13714641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RangerLauren/pseuds/RangerLauren
Summary: Cagney hangs out with Djimmi for lunch, and Djimmi learns an interesting new fact about his friend.





	Didn't See That Coming

**Author's Note:**

> Hey look I'm actually posting something wOO.  
> Yeah, so I'm really into this ship ^_^  
> I'll never do it justice but I decided to write some thingssss  
> Hope you guys enjoy, or at least not cringe and die

Djimmi was rather surprised when Cagney visited his tent and asked if he wanted to go to lunch. Usually the carnation stayed rooted in his garden, alone and away from the rest of the world, and rarely traveled between isles. He had been getting better at socializing again since their soul contracts were burned, but it was still a bit of a shock. It was almost a bit suspicious, the way Cagney had actually left his flowers to come and visit.

Nevertheless, Djimmi heartily agreed to it. He always loved chatting with friends, especially when food was promised.

The two journeyed down to a small cafe on Isle Three, one that Djimmi often visited whenever he didn't want to cook. Cagney was a tad disgruntled on having to walk even farther from his garden, but he uprooted himself and sucked it up.

The building smelled of cinnamon, no doubt part of the day’s apple bake. Djimmi’s mouth watered at the warm, homely scent as he walked up to the counter. The owners were a friendly elderly couple. One of the two was a shaker of salt, the other of pepper. They greeted the pair with grateful, warm smiles.

“Well, hello Djimmi dear,” the pepper shaker said cheerfully. “It's wonderful to see you again.”

“And Mr. Cagney, what a surprise indeed,” the salt shaker added, eyes crinkling in delight. Said carnation nodded curtly but didn't say anything.

Djimmi flashed them a toothy grin. “Hello to you as well. How’s business?”

“Oh, just wonderful,” the salt shaker replied. “Customers have been piling in ever since the Devil left. We’ve been having to ask Porkrind for more tables!”

“I'm sure he’s enjoying that,” the genie chuckled.

“Oh, he’s not so bad once you warm up to him,” the pepper shaker said, flicking her wrist dismissively. 

Behind him, Djimmi felt Cagney nudge his shoulder. He was the kind to hate small talk, especially with strangers. It was understandable, although usually the carnation was more...vocal about his discomfort.

The pepper shaker took the hint. She pulled out a couple of menus from her apron. “Anyway, is it just you two today?” she asked.

“Yes ma’am,” Djimmi replied.

He and Cagney were led past a couple of occupied tables, some which held familiar faces. Sally, her husband and their son were very enthusiastic in their waving. Bon Bon and Rumor were more polite, but they too were clearly happy to see him. They were a bit shocked when Cagney came into view, but they soon recovered and waved to him as well.

The pepper shaker stopped at a small table in the back of the diner. “Is this spot alright?” she asked.

Cagney’s response was immediate. “Yeah, this is fine.”

She smiled and placed the menus on the table before quickly scurrying into the kitchen. Djimmi glanced over at Cagney, who was already taking his seat and drumming his fingers on the table. The genie hummed thoughtfully.

“Have you been here before?” he asked, sitting down across from Cagney.

The carnation shook his head. “I can tell you have.”

Djimmi chuckled, picking up his menu. “I saved their marriage a few years ago. Now, I get a discount every time I come.”

“What were they fighting about?” Cagney asked.

Djimmi was about to reply, but something stopped him. He furrowed his brow at the carnation from over the top of his menu. Cagney was never interested in his wingman tales. And yet, it was clear by the eagerness in his stare that he seemed enthralled by this one.

Djimmi had long since been named as Inkwell Island’s matchmaker. His fortune-telling powers combined with his advanced understanding of love made it a good title for him. He was responsible for many of the couples around the island, including Sally and her husband of three years. 

He loved his job, too. Romance always filled his chest with a warm, fuzzy feeling and put a smile on his face. Two people, completely in love, going on dates, getting married, starting a family...ugh, he was spacing out again.

“Mostly business-related things,” Djimmi said simply. “Where to spend money and all that.” He would get answers out of Cagney later, he decided. He knew from experience that it was easier to learn secrets when the person was more comfortable talking. 

Lunch went pleasantly smooth. Cagney was a lot more talkative than usual, providing input and stories of his own. He was a lot friendlier, too. Djimmi thought it was strange to not be insulted every ten seconds.

He couldn't really blame the carnation for being snappish during the previous months. Having a soul in the palm of the Devil was a very stressful situation. Everyone involved had been a little more paranoid or a little more volatile than normal, even Djimmi himself. He was so glad that that whole debacle was over, and he could return to his life of magic.

Their food arrived shortly after. Djimmi had ordered his usual-a hearty shepherd's pie, made fresh to order. Cagney had asked for a salad, saying that he shouldn't eat anything too filling during the summer, lest he overgrow.

“Isn't that cannibalism?” Djimmi asked curiously, eyeing the spinach and the various nuts and cheeses that topped it.

Cagney glared at him before taking a bite. “No.”

A little embarrassed, Djimmi returned to his meal. It was delicious, just like how it always was. He didn't know how the owners did it; he had tried the recipe himself, and it never turned out quite the way it did here. Although, that could be because he wasn't exactly a world-class chef.

After a few minutes, he stole a glance at Cagney. He seemed to be genuinely enjoying himself, so the genie decided now was the time to strike. He would start off slow, picking at the carnation’s defenses until he could figure out what was wrong.

“So,” Djimmi began slowly. “How are you doing since the whole...incident?”

Cagney visibly stiffened. For a moment, Djimmi believed that he had started off too strong. Then, the flower swallowed a mouthful of his lunch and replied, “Okay. I'm...doing okay.”

Djimmi chewed the inside of his cheek. There was a nervousness in Cagney’s voice that he couldn't ignore. He could recognize this kind of anxiety from a mile away. The flower clearly wanted to say something, but didn't for some reason. Djimmi would have to be careful, or else he would shut down and refuse to talk.

“It's nice that you’re getting out more,” he remarked.

Cagney chuckled. “Yeah, I felt...a little bad about yelling at everyone.”

“Have you been spending time with the rest of the debtors as well?” Djimmi asked.

Cagney nodded. “It's nice to know that there aren't any hard feelings. Even Bon Bon was willing to forgive and forget.” He looked up warily. “...There aren't any between us, right?”

Djimmi shook his head. “Oh, no, no, no! We were all on edge, nothing to apologize for.”

“Good,” Cagney said, relieved. “I wasn't about to go begging on my knees, but it's nice to not have to deal with a grudge.”

“Aw, are you getting soft?”

“You wish.”

_Interesting,_ Djimmi thought. Cagney looked awfully happy to still be considered a friend. For the flower to be so jovial over a thing like that was a rare occurrence.

He wanted something. That was it. He wanted something: most likely a favor that only Djimmi could fulfill. The genie couldn't say that outright, though. He didn't even know what Cagney wanted, much less what he could offer. Advice on romance briefly crossed Djimmi’s mind, but he shook it out. There was no way Cagney would ever be romantically involved with someone. Djimmi had learned that he just wasn't that kind of flower.

“Anything you want to do while we’re out?” Djimmi asked. He pretended to act like it wasn’t a big deal, picking at his shepherd’s pie.

Cagney froze. “What?”

_Shoot._ “I mean, if you want to, of course. I don't have anything to do today, but I don't know about your schedule.”

The carnation’s stature relaxed, and Djimmi wiped sweat off his forehead. _Saved it._

“Well, actually…” Cagney began.

Djimmi sat ramrod straight. He had expected to do a lot more prodding before he even got a hint of the problem. Was Cagney desperate enough to tell him that quickly?

Said carnation looked down at his hands, which were clasped together in his lap. “I've been, uh, meaning to ask you something.”

Djimmi rested his forearms on the table. “Really?” he remarked, feigning surprise.

Cagney glared at him suspiciously. He leaned forward so that his long nose was almost poking the genie’s face. “You repeat a word of this to anyone and you’ll be pushing up daisies,” he hissed, jabbing harshly at the other’s chest.

Djimmi nodded, hiding his crossed fingers behind his back.

Satisfied, Cagney leaned back in his chair again. He folded his arms and tried to look uncaring, but his gaze gave away his uneasiness. “I need advice,” he said abruptly.

So he was right. “On what?” Djimmi further inquired, motioning for him to continue. 

Cagney didn't say anything for a while, continuing to look away. Djimmi could practically see the cogs turning in his head, but he didn't say anything. Trying to force out a confession would only end in disaster.

Then, Cagney uttered a phrase so quiet, so low, that Djimmi was unsure he even heard it:

“I...I need love advice.”

Djimmi raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“You heard what I said,” Cagney growled. His face was significantly redder than before.

Djimmi was stunned. Cagney Carnation, the grumpy, prickly lone wolf who had no interest in anyone, was asking for romance advice. Not just from anyone, but from the master matchmaker himself. That could only mean one thing: he had a crush on someone. 

He certainly didn't see _that_ one coming. Names flew around his head, too many to narrow down effectively. He would have to get it out of him.

He grinned widely. “Well, what do you know.” He reached over and slapped Cagney on the shoulder. “Congratulations, my friend! Who’s the lucky gal?”

“Hey!” Cagney cried indignantly, shying away from Djimmi’s hand. “Who said that advice was for me? I could be asking for a friend!”

Djimmi raised an eyebrow in his direction, and the carnation’s resolve crumbled. “Fine, fine,” he sighed wearily. “But I'm not telling you who it is.”

“Why not?” Djimmi pestered.

Cagney turned redder. “Can't you just give the advice without me telling you?” 

Djimmi knew this trick. It was often used by people who were too embarrassed to reveal the one they were interested in. This was never going to work with just light probing. Reassurance wasn't going to make Cagney feel better; unfortunately, he needed to be forced to admit it.

“Cagney, that's not how it works,” he stated.

Cagney rolled his eyes. “And why isn't it?”

Djimmi pressed the tips of his fingers together. “The advice I give you will depend on the type of girl it is. Some are shy, others are more extroverted. It won't work unless I know.”

Cagney snorted, puffs of pollen emitting from his nostrils. He looked like he was about to spring across the table and attack him, but instead slouched further in his seat, looking very uncomfortable. There was another bout of silence before he spoke up again. This time, Djimmi definitely did not hear it.

“What?” the genie asked, leaning in further.

Cagney glared at him, but sighed and repeated himself. His face closely resembled the color of the tomatoes on his salad. “...Hilda.”

Djimmi’s eyes grew huge. Of course! Hilda Berg was one of Cagney’s close friends and, if his memory served him right, was one of the very few Cagney spent time with during the soul contract incident. He had considered the pair a while ago, but had given up due to Cagney’s lack of interest.

“Cagney, that's wonderful!” he exclaimed. 

The carnation’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “Ack! Shh!” He looked around wildly at the surrounding tables. “Do you want everyone to hear?!”

Realizing his mistake, Djimmi held out his hands in a placating gesture. “Sorry, sorry,” he apologized in a much softer voice. “I'm just so happy for you!”

“Whatever,” Cagney muttered, looking ready to wilt from embarrassment.

“I’m serious!” Djimmi protested. “It's great that you have an interest in someone!” Images of Cagney and Hilda together crossed his mind. It would be so adorable! Watching them date and grow as a couple, maybe even encouraging them to get married...

Cagney’s petals closed over his face until only his nose stuck out. “I’m starting to regret talking to you about this.”

The genie tried to calm himself. “Right, serious talk.” He intertwined his fingers and stared at the carnation across the table. “First, I need to know why you need my help.”

“Because I’m a hopeless romantic who has never talked to a girl in his life,” Cagney replied bluntly. His voice was muffled slightly by his petals.

Djimmi was a little taken aback. Cagney was usually so confident and uncaring. To see him having self-esteem issues was rather jarring. “Well, that last part definitely isn't true. You and Hilda have been friends for ages. I've seen you two talk almost every day.”

“Yeah, but that’s different,” Cagney argued. “This ain't friend stuff. This is...more than friend stuff. I’ll look like a total moron.”

“No you won't. Just be yourself,” Djimmi reassured him.

“But that’s just it!” Cagney’s face reappeared, anxiety visibly starting to bubble to the surface. “I'm grumpy and I never want anything to do with anybody. I’m not supposed to be a sappy romantic. She won't take me seriously! She’ll never talk to me again! I’ll be a joke for months!”

“Hold on there.” Djimmi interrupted the flower’s ranting. “Cagney, your feelings are certainly not a joke. No one’s going to laugh at you.”

“You don't know that,” Cagney sneered.

Djimmi frowned. “Yes, I do. A lot of people I’ve talked to have had the same thoughts, and to this day no one has ever made fun of them for it. They've all been in your situation.”

Cagney was silent.

Djimmi sighed. Cagney was a very stubborn carnation, and this situation was no different. The poor guy was only lashing out because he was nervous, though. Nervous that Hilda wouldn't return his feelings. It was a fear that Djimmi often uncovered during his little counseling sessions. Fortunately, he was a master at dealing with it.

“Look,” he began. “I’m willing to help you.”

Cagney looked up at him. 

“I will give you the confidence you need. You’re not the only one who has had this problem, so it’ll be an easy job for me,” Djimmi continued. “But, I can’t do everything by myself. At the end of the day, how this plays out will depend on you.”

Cagney chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. “And...if I do something wrong? Then what?”

“You won't,” Djimmi reassured him. “Remember what I said about being yourself? I meant it. Just do that, and I guarantee that everything will turn out okay.”

“You guarantee it, huh?” Cagney murmured, raising an eyebrow. “Why do I doubt that?”

“C’mon, pal,” Djimmi pushed, adding in one of his signature smiles. “When have I ever been wrong?” He held up a hand before Cagney could give a snarky reply. “I mean with relationships.”

The carnation opened his mouth indignantly, searching for a response, but found nothing. He gave up and stared off into the distance, his normal glare appearing more thoughtful than normal. It was a good sign. 

Djimmi reached over and tapped his arm. “Meet me outside of my pyramid tomorrow at noon. We’ll start then.”

Cagney looked a little alarmed. “Start with what?”

Djimmi stood up quickly, the lamps on his feet clanging against the tile. “You’ll see,” he teased in a sing-song voice. 

Now genuinely frightened, Cagney got up as well. “Djimmi, I swear. What are you planning?”

Chuckling to himself, Djimmi waggled his fingers and summoned his magic carpet. Before the carnation could stop him, he flew straight through the restaurant, scaring waiters and customers alike. He opened the front door with his magic and soared out into the open air, cackling away.

He loved doing that. 

He heard Cagney screaming at him from the ground and could only imagine the look on his face. No doubt he was furious, but Djimmi didn't have time to reassure his friend. Setting up relationships needed to be done as soon as possible. The last thing he needed was for Hilda to get swept up by a man or have Cagney get trapped in a relationship with another woman.

Djimmi tilted his carpet in the direction of the docks. He could already tell that this mission was going to be a lot of work, and he figured he might as well get some help from some of his fellow matchmaking enthusiasts. After all, Djimmi wasn’t one to break promises, and he wasn't planning on letting Cagney down.


End file.
